The Importance of Compassion

People often talk about compassion, the importance of having compassion, without really understanding what it is.  People often say the key to their wellbeing is self-compassion.  When you ask a group of people to define compassion, everyone has a different answer.  So lets dive into compassion.

A common definition of compassion as defied by the Cambridge Dictionary is: a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them.  There are elements within this definition that are often captured in how people define compassion.  Sympathy, which can mean genuine feelings of concern for the other.  Critical here is the word genuine.  Compassion is often seen as disingenuous if it is received as trite; just paying lip service.  Another key component is that the person showing compassion is affected emotionally by the others pain or suffering.  The giver of compassion is emotionally impacted by the others distress.  When someone tries to “fix” you, they are often well intentioned, but they void are void of emotional connection or understanding.  Another component of compassion is that one person is in pain or is suffering and is expressing emotion.  People do express emotion in different ways.  Some people can be open about sharing feelings, others withdraw and become quiet.  Along this continuum, the concerned person is aware of the other’s patterns and knows when they are suffering.  There are an awareness and acknowledgment of suffering in the other.  The final element is that the person exhibiting compassion wants to genuinely help the suffering person.  Support through compassion is a powerful way to connect to someone and to show a genuine desire to help. 

Social Science Researchers have tried to breakdown compassion as we have above, and even tried to develop test to see if it exists.  Many helping professions espouse the importance of compassion in the care of others.  My personal experience, after working in healthcare and other helping agencies this is jot always true.  Unfortunately, institutional settings work against compassionate care because they center their own mandates.  Despite that fact that research often reveals that compassionate care often yields better individual outcomes.  Whereas compassion fatigue results in less effective care and low individual outcomes. 

Researchers have broken compassion down to five separate elements:

Recognizing suffering

understanding the universality of human suffering

feeling for the person suffering

tolerating uncomfortable feelings

motivation to act/acting to alleviate suffering

Two of these elements are differ from our layperson’s list above.  The first is understanding the universality of human suffering.  This is an important element, because without this understanding individuals may not be aware that others may suffer, even though they themselves have not experienced such pain.  For example, a narcist may feel pain but they attribute it to their own failings and that they need to be tougher.  Such a disposition does not allow for compassion towards the other.  The second element that we did not mention above is tolerating uncomfortable feelings.  To show and experience compassion means that the head and the heart need to be connected.  Compassion can be difficult.  I have someone in my life right now that is suffering and I feel pain for that person every day.  Without compassion no one would reach out in a benevolent to support others.  Without compassion we would not be selfless and heroic deeds would have never happened.  Think of being in hospital and that nurse comes to your bedside, reaches over and asks in a gently voice “how are you doing?”  There is no price you can put on that level of compassion.  Indeed, many believe that our world, our world leaders right now need to show more compassion.  Compassion allows us to care for the other when they need support.  Just as important, compassion allows us to care for ourselves when we are hurt. 

Exercise

When you’re trying to understand how to be more compassionate think of how you would treat your loved one, or best friend when they are in pain.  Ask yourself, “How would you feel?”  “What would you say?”  “What would you do?”   Write it down; make it a tangible real expression.

Loving Kindness Meditation

Directing compassion toward yourself.  Repeat phrases or affirkatiojs that resonate with your, such as: “May I be happy,” “May I be kind and gentle with myself,” or “May I be at peace.”

References

What is compassion and how can we measure it? A review of definitions and measures.  By Clara Strauss ^a b, Billie Lever Taylor, Jenny Gu, Willem Kuyken, Ruth Baer, Fergal Jones, Kate Cavanagh.  Clinical Psychology Review Volume 47, July 2016, Pages 15-27.